Should You Help Your In-Laws Financially?

“Ding!”, you just receive an SMS from a family member that’s asking for financial support during tough times. We’ve all been there! When this happens to me, I give only what I’m comfortable losing as I don’t want to ignite conflicts. For starters, I’ve seen friends sacrifice their own financial stability to help family members, leaving them unable to save for their own future. It’s a tricky balance, and the emotional weight can be very heavy.

Watching someone you love struggle financially can be heartbreaking. If you have the means, it’s natural to want to help. But before you do, take a moment to consider the potential consequences. As financial expert Dave Ramsey wisely says, “The borrower is slave to the lender.” The last thing you want is for a family member to feel indebted to you, or worse, to start viewing you as a financial safety net. This dynamic can quickly strain relationships, especially if they start reaching out to you only when they need help. On that note, consider these things when deciding to help:

#1: TAKE THINGS SLOW

When a family member asks for money, emotions can run high. You might feel that saying “yes” is the only way to maintain the relationship. But it’s important to take your time before making a decision.

Consider whether you can truly afford what’s being asked. If you’re uncertain, it might be wise to discuss it with your spouse.

#2: THINK OF THE MARITAL IMPACT

If you’re married, giving financial support to in-laws or your own parents adds another layer of complexity. The last thing you want is to create tension between you and your spouse. Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so it’s crucial to ensure both partners are comfortable with the decision.

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If lending money might strain your finances or relationship, explore other ways to support your family members such as helping them apply for government grants.

#3: CONSIDER GIVING A MONETARY GIFT

If you’re financially secure and your spouse agrees, consider offering a financial gift instead of a loan.

If your in-laws are facing hardship due to job loss or health issues, a one-time gift can provide relief without the expectation of repayment, which can ease any potential tension.

#4: BE PREPARED TO SAY NO

If you decide that you can’t or shouldn’t provide financial help, it’s important to approach the conversation with honesty and empathy. For instance, it might be best to wait until your in-laws are more emotionally calm before having this discussion. Setting boundaries is important, but timing and sensitivity can make a big difference in how your decision is received.

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Helping family members in financial need is never an easy decision. By considering the potential impact on your relationships and financial health, you can make a choice that supports both your loved ones and yourself.

Sources: 1 & 2

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6 Telltale Signs that You Aren’t Financially Ready to Get Married

Two of the most sought-after life goals are love and money. Research supports that married couples build more wealth over their lifetime compared to those who remain single. When two people decide to spend their lives together, it is important to get to know each other’s perspective as a robust financial team.

You can be 38 and still be unprepared to settle down. Or you can be in a six-year relationship with someone you are madly in love with, but you are not ready to get married.

Regardless of the age you plan to marry, discussing your financial goals as a couple is an essential part of the conversation on your shared life goals.

On that note, here are some telltale signs that you are not financially ready to settle down.

#1: YOU’RE IN A ROUGH PATCH

A wedding would not pay for itself, so you and your partner need to save up for it. You also need to financially prepare for your life after the wedding. Household and childcare expenses will increase over time. Expenses include tuition fees, medical expenses, home loans, retirement fund, and so on.

If you are not financially ready to get married, it’s best to put all the wedding plans on hold for the time being.

#2: YOU HAVEN’T TACKLED YOUR LIVING SITUATION

For most couples, investing in a home is one of the biggest purchases they have to make. It requires careful planning and countless discussions. You need to discuss your living situation as a couple, before getting married.

Are you buying a new or resale HDB flat? Are you financing your HDB flat with an HDB loan or bank loan? How much are you going to shell out from your savings in your CPF Ordinary Account?

Keep in mind that the more money you get from your CPF savings to finance your property, the less you may have for retirement in the future. Furthermore, you must be insured under the Home Protection Scheme (HPS) if you are using your CPF savings to pay for your monthly housing loan installments.

#3: YOUR WEDDING BUDGET CONSTANTLY CHANGES

Many couples deal with unforeseen wedding expenses during wedding plans and on the day itself. If you notice that your wedding budget changes constantly, it could be a sign that you haven’t fully thought about what you can pay for.

Sit down with your partner to discuss your wedding budget and provide an ample buffer for unexpected fees. You do not need to actualize all the wedding ideas you have pinned in your Pinterest account. Instead, you need to be realistic when it comes to knowing what you want and what you can afford.

#4: YOU HAVEN’T PLANNED FOR YOUR POST-WEDDING EXPENSES

What happens when you return home from your honeymoon? Will you face rent payments, home loans, or student loans head-on? Think about how you will be able to manage the post-wedding expenses.

Not thinking about these post-wedding expenses or not saving up for your future can bring you stress during your first year/s as a married couple.

#5: YOU HAVE TRUST ISSUES

When it comes to finances, do you have problems in trusting your partner? Take it as a sign that you are not ready for marriage.

There may be a deep-rooted cause for your trust issues, but getting married will not resolve the problem. Help yourself overcome these issues first so you can truly have an open and trusting relationship with each other. You can seek professional help when necessary.

#6: YOUR CREDIT HISTORY IS TAINTED

While you may end up sharing just about everything after getting married, your credit history and credit scores remain separate in the eyes of the financial institutions. However, this can affect your relationship significantly.

It is important to be transparent about your credit score and credit history before settling down. While you may sympathize with your partner’s unpleasant financial situation and offer to help, realize that you may be in for more challenges if outstanding debts begin to suffocate your finances.

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If you see beaming red flags that you are not ready for marriage, then do not get married. Getting married is more than just signing a piece of paper. It’s a life-changing event that you must prepare for physically, mentally, and financially.

Before settling down, you need to plan all aspects of your life including your finances. Drastic changes in your finances will happen from the day you get married. You will need to make a lot of financial decisions together, so learn how to compromise and work as a team.

Sources: 1,2,3,4,& 5

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Keeping the flame alive: Tips for a healthy, long-term marriage

an old couple at the beach

When you’ve been married for a while, the spark can start to fade. But don’t worry, it’s not too late to rekindle the flame!

In this post, we will explore some ways to keep the spark alive in your decade-old marriage. We will talk about how to make time for each other, how to keep things fun and exciting, and how to make each other feel loved and appreciated.

If you’re looking for ways to spice up your long-term relationship, these tips will help get you started.

Keep communicating

The first step to rekindling the spark in your decade-old marriage is communication. You need to speak, listen, and be open with each other.

A lot can change in 10 years, and if you’re not honest with each other about those changes, they can become a wedge between you. But if you’re communicative, you can work through those changes together.

Remember, it’s not about pretending that things are the same as they were 10 years ago. It’s about accepting the changes that have happened, and then working together to move forward.

Plan regular date nights

It doesn’t matter if you go out or stay in, as long as you make time for each other. This is your time to forget about the stresses of work and home life and just focus on each other.

And don’t forget to be spontaneous too. Sometimes it’s the little things that can make a date night special—a walk in the park, an impromptu trip to the movies, or even just having a late-night supper. As long as you’re together, enjoying each other’s company, it counts.

Get creative in the bedroom
sex toy

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You may have fallen into a bit of a bedroom rut lately. And that’s understandable—ten years of marriage will do that to you. But to keep the spark alive, that means getting creative in the bedroom.

Here are a few tips to get you started:

  • Text dirty to each other.
  • Fantasize about things you’ve always wanted to do together.
  • Surprise your spouse with something new—a new toy, a new position, a new place to have sex.

The key is to keep things fresh and exciting so that you both continue to feel attracted to each other.

Don’t forget the little things

You know, the things that used to make your spouse feel loved and appreciated.

It might be taking out the trash without being asked, making dinner, doing the dishes, or just taking a few minutes to hug them and tell them how much you’re comforted by their presence in your life. These small gestures may not seem like much, but they can mean the world to someone who’s been in a long-term relationship.

So don’t forget to do the little things. They may be small, but they’re a big part of keeping the spark alive.

It’s not always easy to keep the spark alive in a long-term marriage, but with a little effort, you can certainly make it happen. Here are some tips to help you get started: make time for each other, talk about your day-to-day routine and what’s going on in your life, show physical affection, and be mindful of your words and actions—always think before you speak or act, and be sure not to take each other for granted.

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12 Reasons Why You Aren’t Financially Ready To Get Married

1. Your present goals are mainly self-motivated (e.g., discovering oneself by traveling to several countries in Europe).

2. You are an undergraduate student who does not have an adequate amount of savings. Not to mention, you have to pay your student debts too.

3. You still depend on your parents to cover your monthly bills.

4. You are mortified with the idea of having a someone influence your ability to borrow money. Having a spouse with poor credit score may diminish your chances of getting the best car loan or joint credit card deals.

5. You have pushed the idea of marriage aside to build a career. Furthermore, you believe that attaining success at work will appeal to many potential partners.

6. “No money, no marriage” seems to encapsulate the fact that matrimony requires money, time, and effort. Thanks to the Singaporean wedding industry, couples spend an average cost of S$30,000 on their nuptials.

Image Credits: pixabay.com

7. You cannot afford to face higher insurance premiums. For instance, marrying a partner whose track record with cars is unappealing may negatively influence your car insurance premiums.

8. Your financial resources cannot cover the expenses that come with raising a family. Expectant mothers need to visit the OB/GYNs or gynecologists regularly. As a result, you will have to pay about S$60-75 per visit.

9. Your savings and insurance cannot match the overwhelming hospitalization fees of pregnancy. Can you imagine paying about S$3,000 for a two-day hospitalization in a private room of a private hospital?

10. You and your significant other have differing attitudes and beliefs towards money. Understanding each other’s spending habits and attaining compromise is one thing. But, continuously arguing about money is another.

11. You do not have a clear financial path at the moment. Consider seeking professional help.

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12. You are protecting your properties. Furthermore, you have not figured out how to divide your assets.

Whatever the reason might be, matrimony is a huge decision that you shall make when you are holistically prepared to face the next step. You may not be ready at the moment but, that is alright. No one knows what lies ahead!

Sources:  1, 2, & 3

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