“Ding!”, you just receive an SMS from a family member that’s asking for financial support during tough times. We’ve all been there! When this happens to me, I give only what I’m comfortable losing as I don’t want to ignite conflicts. For starters, I’ve seen friends sacrifice their own financial stability to help family members, leaving them unable to save for their own future. It’s a tricky balance, and the emotional weight can be very heavy.
Watching someone you love struggle financially can be heartbreaking. If you have the means, it’s natural to want to help. But before you do, take a moment to consider the potential consequences. As financial expert Dave Ramsey wisely says, “The borrower is slave to the lender.” The last thing you want is for a family member to feel indebted to you, or worse, to start viewing you as a financial safety net. This dynamic can quickly strain relationships, especially if they start reaching out to you only when they need help. On that note, consider these things when deciding to help:
#1: TAKE THINGS SLOW
When a family member asks for money, emotions can run high. You might feel that saying “yes” is the only way to maintain the relationship. But it’s important to take your time before making a decision.
Consider whether you can truly afford what’s being asked. If you’re uncertain, it might be wise to discuss it with your spouse.
#2: THINK OF THE MARITAL IMPACT
If you’re married, giving financial support to in-laws or your own parents adds another layer of complexity. The last thing you want is to create tension between you and your spouse. Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so it’s crucial to ensure both partners are comfortable with the decision.
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If lending money might strain your finances or relationship, explore other ways to support your family members such as helping them apply for government grants.
#3: CONSIDER GIVING A MONETARY GIFT
If you’re financially secure and your spouse agrees, consider offering a financial gift instead of a loan.
If your in-laws are facing hardship due to job loss or health issues, a one-time gift can provide relief without the expectation of repayment, which can ease any potential tension.
#4: BE PREPARED TO SAY NO
If you decide that you can’t or shouldn’t provide financial help, it’s important to approach the conversation with honesty and empathy. For instance, it might be best to wait until your in-laws are more emotionally calm before having this discussion. Setting boundaries is important, but timing and sensitivity can make a big difference in how your decision is received.
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Helping family members in financial need is never an easy decision. By considering the potential impact on your relationships and financial health, you can make a choice that supports both your loved ones and yourself.